Friday, 3 February 2017

The Friday Joke - The Worlds Worst Pub Promotion

The first Thursday of every month, myself and the guys who I play football on a Thursday evening with go for a beer after our match (some of us go every week, but it is convention that we all make a special effort to turn up first Thursday). We also meet up with guys who used to play, but have retired from the playing side (the codgers). Our venue of choice was until today The Three Hammers in Mill Hill. As of today, I suspect we will be changing the venue. The reason? Well let me share a sorry tale of woe with you. The sorry tale started when I spotted this promotion on the Hammers Facebook page yesterday.
What could possibly go wrong? A bunch of blokes who like a drink. A pub. A promotion presumably subsidised by a brewer to promote a new brand of beer. I made sure all of the guys knew of the promotion. I rather hoped this would  ensure  a good turnout amongst the boys. On a cold and damp early February night, we don't always get the best turnout. It worked. Some of our squad are pensioners now, we've been playing together for rather a long time. One poor old boy is having a hip replacement in April and had to wait for a 240 bus from outside his house at the bottom of Hammers Lane to the pub at the top, in the rain. Another had to wait until his wife who is poorly had dozed off to sneak out. All arrived thirsty, in anticipation of some subsidised libation.

The first two arrived and ordered two pints of Hop House 13. When it was poured, they presented the page as requested on their mobile phone. Sadly the friendly teenagers who man the beer pumps were flummoxed "We don't know anything about this?".  Our team is a persistent bunch. They insisted that a free pint had been promised and a free pint was expected. One of the helpful teenagers checked Facebook on his own phone. Sure enough, the pub was offering a free pint. At this, the teenagers decided to check with the manageress. Sure enough, it seemed that the promotion had been offered. The free pints were duly despatched. Then the rest of us arrived. As with the advanced party, we ordered our Hop House 13. Sadly we were informed that the barrel had run out. We asked if it was being changed "Oh no one can do it right now. Come back later". As most of us have a couple of pints, Carlings were ordered instead. We could have the free Hop House 13 as a second pint. The anticipation would make it even more tasty.

So then the time came for the second round. We went to the bar in eager anticipation. The helpful teenagers announced "We can't change the barrell because the cellar is locked and the manageress has the key". We queried  "So lets get this right. You've run a promotion on Facebook to get people in the pub. Then when they arrive, there isn't enough beer and the cellar is locked, so it can't be rectified and the manageress won't come down and open the cellar?" The teenager helpfully replied "Erm, sort of yes".

Well much as we all wanted a free pint, we were thirsty. So an Estrella, five pints of Carling and an IPA were ordered. With that  we said "Can we have two bags of Cheese and onion crisps, two bags of Salt and vinegar, a bag of Ready Salted and a bag of nuts please?".  The helpful teenager responded "Sorry we can't get any crisps, they are in the cellar". So no free beer, no crisps.

You can imagine how we felt about the whole thing. We've been going regularly to the Hammers for at least 17 years as a group. Since Ember Inns took the venue over, guess how many free beers we've had. The two tonight, before the "barrell ran out". Guess how the pub have shown their appreciation for our custom over the years? Well about six years ago we were given a plate of Sandwiches for free! We were mightily impressed. We enquired what the occasion was. The repsonse "Oh nothing, there was a funeral earlier and we had a plate of sandwiches left over". As I usually drive to the pub from football, I usually have a pint of lager shandy and give a few of the boys a lift, As such I normally have the cheapest lager. This used to be Carlsberg. About two months ago I was informed that Carlsberg was no longer served. The reason? It was cheap and the pub made more money on more expensive premium lagers. I kid you not, that was what the helpful teenagers told us.  Oh how we laughed. Of course there is no reason to keep a bunch of blokes who are regular customers happy, is there. We will just keep coming back, won't we?


Conniesdad said...

The manageress seems to be a mythical beast. Have you noticed how the staff walk through the pub as though they are collecting glasses or some such task and then just dissappear while customers wait at the bar? The deputy manager handed in his notice as he was doing both his and the manageress's jobs.

GreenBeltMan said...

Maybe they are tight for money as they are still paying off the fine ?:

GreenBeltMan said...

M&B fined £1.5m after Christmas Day food poisoning prosecution