Tuesday, 29 May 2012

Tell tale signs that your co worker may be Gay?

I have just found out that, after 49 years on the planet,  there is a very strong possibility I may be a homosexual. Whilst researching a follow up blog to the spat between two of our local MP's, Matthew Offord and Mike Freer over gay marriage, I came across a rather interesting website.Here are some of the 23 ways you can tell if your co-worker is gay. I have chosen only the ones which have caused me to question my own sexuality after reading them. The site is called http://christwire.org

My comments in italics

The article is http://christwire.org/2011/05/23-tell-tale-signs-that-a-co-worker-may-be-a-closet-gay/

Do they insist on using a Mac?
Studies show Mac users are mostly gay. Both butt-cowboys and muff-munchers alike gravitate towards the shiny Apple logo of sin. If you notice one of these around your place of work you may want to go on alert. There is probably a homogay behind the screen. If you go anywhere near their desk they will probably try to sexually harass you if you are of the same sex, if not they will do nothing but scorn you as you have nothing to provide for their deviant sexual appetites. (yup, I own a MAC,wrote this blog on it)

Have they ever asked you to go to the theater?
Theater is a known homogay activity and if anyone of your same sex asks you to accompany them it is so they can drug and rape you when you fall asleep from sheer boredom. Many homogays try to attack co-workers in this fashion because it leaves the victim too shamed to seek help from the police, knowing that everyone at work will know they were penetrated by Bob from accounting. Don’t let this happen to your sweet Christian anal virginity. As many Christians already know, with a big enough Bible you can beat the gay right out of someone. (yup, I go to the theatre, I especially like musicals)

Do you often hear brags of excessive alcoholism?
Most homogays drink a lot. They even have bars where only homogays can go. When your co-workers brag about being intoxicated the night before mostly it is because they don’t go to church and have homogay in their hearts. They try to fill the void of Jesus in their souls and instead try to replace it with cheap rum, which then leads to unprotected anal homosex in cold parking lots on late drunken nights. Then it leads to unbearable shame. Shame leads to more drinking. More drinking leads to more anal sex. And so on, and so on… (yup, I drink too much beer, drinking beer has lead to unbearable shame on a number of occasions)

Is there vegetarian food in the office fridge?
Vegitarian food spells homogay clearer than fifteen foot letters on the side of a hill. A lack of protein in ones diet has been proven by various studies to cause gayness in both male and female subjects. Lest the gay invade your place of work, sneak tiny pieces of meat in the food container in hopes of countering the effect. If you feel it is already too late for that approach, all you have left is stocking the company fridge with holy ribs and bacon to counteract the smell of hippie.(yup, I follow a semi vegetarian diet and so does my wife, oh dear, I should have guessed)

When there is a birthday, does one person hog all the cake?
Gluttony is a sin and so is homogayness, and all sin goes hand in hand with each other. Especially because people tend to eat when they are depressed, and studies show that homogays often feel a certain shame about their lifestyle because God makes it that way and will try to eat a lot to compensate for the loss of self respect in their lives. If you notice one of your co-workers gorging themselves it is probably because they can’t stand the shame of being in the closet any longer. (yup, I'm  a greedy pig)

Does anyone use the term “FYI”?
FYI is a homogay term originally meant to mean “For Your Anus” but they didn’t know how to spell anus. This is because, and we have studies to back us up on this, the homogay infected brain is seen to have less activity in the creative areas, which control your ability to read and write properly. If you notice one of your co-workers using this terminology, inform them of their error. If they continue to use it anyways, pray to God to smite them with AIDS. (yup, I'm  use the term FYI, especially in emails)

Has anyone recently tried to steal your parking spot?
Gays have entitlement issues. When they see something they feel they should have, even though they haven’t earned it, they often just try to sneak in like a weasel and take it. The guys are more weaselish anyways. The lesbians just bulldog their way into things. They all have the same rainbow sticker somewhere on the back of their car amongst hordes of other environmental hippie gibberish that will only make you want to set fire to it. That stuff is there to mock people like you and me and our decent Christian ideals. It is best to leave this one alone, however, and park far away from them as they tend to wait around their cars after work looking for someone to rape. (yup, I've nicked peoples parking spots, I clearly have entitlement issues)
Now as you may have gathered, the website may not be as completely serious as some other American websites on the subject.  Maybe I just have a sick sense of humour, but I do like humour that lampoons extremist views. Interestingly, perhaps more serious publications don't really seem to be any more helpful. The NHS website actually reports the following ( http://www.nhs.uk/news/2012/05may/Pages/gaydar-sense-can-predict-if-a-woman-is-gay.aspx )
The Daily Telegraph boldly and erroneously reports that “women really do have a 'gaydar' which allows them to tell someone's sexuality 'in the blink of an eye'”, while the Sun informs us that “most people have a ‘gaydar’”.
The NHS website concludes
Guessing another person’s sexuality can be a sensitive area. This study highlights the importance of not making snap decisions based on your own subjective judgement of someone else’s sexuality because of the high chance that you may be wrong.
Perhaps a more pertinent question should be "Who cares?". In my opinion, if you work with someone and suspect they are gay, even though they have never told you, then maybe you should consider the fact that you have a problem.They haven't shared their sexual preference with you and that is the end of the matter. It really is none of your business whatsoever.  Get over it.

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