By Lew Knee,
As many Barnet bloggers have been slavishly following the Maoist-Trotskyite "No Cuts, No Change" line, I thought that a bit of balance should be brought into the debate. I have asked Mr Titbum at the Barnet Eye for the opportunity to add some balance to the debate and list the positive reasons for voting Conservative in Barnet.
1. Better Parking Policies. If like me you have a large Jaguar car, lots of money and a mobile phone, there are now loads of places to park easily all over the Borough. Formerly full car parks are now an oasis of calm.
2. No Road Humps. If like me, you love hurtling around the backstreets of Barnet, in you Jag at 90mph, great little ratruns such as Uphill Road are now a joy to zoom up. Stupid local campaigners say that people like me are a danger to children, but as a firm believer in Darwinism, I believe that if a child doesn't look before the cross the road, that is their business.
3. Less services for old people. If like me you live in a mansion and have a few million in the bank, why should you have to pay for services for old people who didn't bother to save up. My parents worked very hard all their life to ensure they left me a decent inheritence. If the old people's parents didn't bother to do the same, it's their fault.
4. Less services for young people. If, like me, you hate children, especially other peoples, why should you have to pay for them? If you want children fine, just don't expect people like me to pay for their education and hobbies.
5. Better allowances for Senior Councillors. My friends in the Conservative Party voted themselves a huge increase in allowances in 2010, weeks after the election. Now they have no excuse not to stand their round at the Golf Club!
6. The One Barnet Program. Barnet Council want to flog off all of their assets to companies like BT and Capita. As a large shareholder in both companies, this means I'll get lots of lovely dividends and these will be copper bottomed and guaranteed. I'll also make a whacking profit if I flog the shares off.
7. Metpro Security Ltd. As someone who has a large mansion and needs a degree of private security, it was great when Barnet Council used to bankroll Metpro. This meant I was able to have my own "fast response team" to keep me safe at night. If you have need for a security protection service, the last thing you want is one which follows SIA guidelines and has CRB checked staff. I want people who can deal with "problems" in a proper manner, if you know what I mean.
8. Pinkham Way Incinerator. Lets face it, we all produce tons of rubbish a year. This has to be disposed of. It has to be got rid of somewhere and Pinkham Way is the cheapest spot for Barnet. So what if a few NIMBY's don't like it. It is quite laughable that a former sewage works is being touted as some sort of nature reserve. I remember when the smell of fresh turds used to blow in the window on the morning breeze. So what if a few people might get cancer because of the emissions, we all have to die sometime.
9. Friern Barnet Library Closure. Who wants libraries. I agree with Robert Rams. If Burnt Oak library was turned into a Starbucks, the locals would love it. Burnt Oak would go up market. If people want books, as Robert Rams said, they should buy them from Tesco's. The only books I ever buy are those on the Top Shelf. No one would want to borrow those when I've finished with them.
10. Solidarity with Brian Coleman. Contrary to popular myth, Brian Coleman is a lovely man. He dotes on his mum and is much loved by all his friends. So what if he's rude to a few Trots who annoy him? So what if he likes being driven around in a taxi at public expense. Why do you think people become councillors? I don't want a bunch of nobody busybodies, who see it as a mission for the public good. I want people like me to do the job. People who know how to enjoy themselves and people who think "Bugger the poor, it's their own fault".
VOTE X CONSERVATIVE !!!
Lew Knee (not his real name) is a dedicated follower of the Barnet Eye.
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